so last night i decided to finally put some sheets on my bed & try to make it a bit more comfortable than it has been for years. seriously, i have the absolute worst bed ever. so, after such progress, i pulled up my winamp & decided to go to bed with jawbreaker's "dear you" on repeat. tucked my frozen feet under my blanket then begun my journey.
started off with a bit of a struggle getting by the guards & into dreamland but eventually i did it. inside my head i had this dream, kind of like a movie scene where everything i want to believe is true. i found all this evidence which strengthened my case. but that wasnt working. this dream could be a sequel to dreams prior which involved crossing paths & making amends. dreams that felt so realistic that i would wake up so confused. so in the process of dreaming i was drifting between the same half of "dear you" & my fucked up head. at one point i woke up to get a drink of water & continued to struggle my way back to sleep. for someone who hasnt had sheets on his own bed for such a long time, maybe there was something about the feeling that triggered this insanity. not too sure, i woke up in time for my alarm clock to catch my attention & of course more moments of blake singing me our shared pain. weird, right?
it's been really windy outside, last night i could hear the demonic winds screaming & moaning against the bricks, trying its hardest to swallow me whole. so this morning i figured i would try & dress a little warmer for work. throughout the course of work, i spent a majority of my time relating to red animal war's "breaking in an angel" & solving a previous mystery. i cannot stress how much i love the song "the disappearing act", it really hits home, hard. back in the summer of 2006 i had a chance to talked to ryan from desa a bit about the meanings of some of his songs. pretty much everything he said to me about the true meanings was like a window into my own life. i felt the same & often believed i lived the same. so now i pondered how much the songs justin wrote with red animal war, especially on the album at hand, were close to the same things i felt i was going through. i think it all comes down to knowing someone else has felt the same pain & could offer some sort of advice as to what to do to solve the problem at hand. did any of that make sense? so anyway, spent most of my work day listening to this album & running through the thoughts in my head. felt inspired & that makes me more excited for my long awaited solo record. my body felt terrible all morning but that was nothing i couldn't handle. finished out shift & came home to combat computer viruses & build some conversations.
not sure what i have figured out for the remainder of the evening. it's really cold outside & that makes me really unmotivated to get things done. i'm trying to tuck myself into bed & get a nice little nap. the usual wait for green to blink blue, for "mouse" to turn into "backbreaker", perhaps a warning of food to be consumed. who knows? i think i write too much at times so i believe its time to stop.
also i was thinking about the difference between writing here publicly vs. writing in livejournal privately/friends only... well this time i'm not sure who my audience is. it could be anyone. isn't that scary? but really, what do i have to lose?
started off with a bit of a struggle getting by the guards & into dreamland but eventually i did it. inside my head i had this dream, kind of like a movie scene where everything i want to believe is true. i found all this evidence which strengthened my case. but that wasnt working. this dream could be a sequel to dreams prior which involved crossing paths & making amends. dreams that felt so realistic that i would wake up so confused. so in the process of dreaming i was drifting between the same half of "dear you" & my fucked up head. at one point i woke up to get a drink of water & continued to struggle my way back to sleep. for someone who hasnt had sheets on his own bed for such a long time, maybe there was something about the feeling that triggered this insanity. not too sure, i woke up in time for my alarm clock to catch my attention & of course more moments of blake singing me our shared pain. weird, right?
it's been really windy outside, last night i could hear the demonic winds screaming & moaning against the bricks, trying its hardest to swallow me whole. so this morning i figured i would try & dress a little warmer for work. throughout the course of work, i spent a majority of my time relating to red animal war's "breaking in an angel" & solving a previous mystery. i cannot stress how much i love the song "the disappearing act", it really hits home, hard. back in the summer of 2006 i had a chance to talked to ryan from desa a bit about the meanings of some of his songs. pretty much everything he said to me about the true meanings was like a window into my own life. i felt the same & often believed i lived the same. so now i pondered how much the songs justin wrote with red animal war, especially on the album at hand, were close to the same things i felt i was going through. i think it all comes down to knowing someone else has felt the same pain & could offer some sort of advice as to what to do to solve the problem at hand. did any of that make sense? so anyway, spent most of my work day listening to this album & running through the thoughts in my head. felt inspired & that makes me more excited for my long awaited solo record. my body felt terrible all morning but that was nothing i couldn't handle. finished out shift & came home to combat computer viruses & build some conversations.
not sure what i have figured out for the remainder of the evening. it's really cold outside & that makes me really unmotivated to get things done. i'm trying to tuck myself into bed & get a nice little nap. the usual wait for green to blink blue, for "mouse" to turn into "backbreaker", perhaps a warning of food to be consumed. who knows? i think i write too much at times so i believe its time to stop.
also i was thinking about the difference between writing here publicly vs. writing in livejournal privately/friends only... well this time i'm not sure who my audience is. it could be anyone. isn't that scary? but really, what do i have to lose?
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