drawing a blank.

there's so many ways to look at the view, so many different angles, yet none of them seem to focus just enough to make sense. squinting, guessing, waiting, wading, wondering, wandering. there's only so many ways to run around this mountain until i can no longer stand, until i can no longer breathe & sink deeper into everything beneath my feet. this mountain of memories, thoughts & ideas, hopefully mutually believed to be good times. & like some sort of aftermath of celebration. perhaps a celebration of separation. barely standing, reluctantly awaiting the clean up crew. this party was unplanned but it sure as hell was amazing. to say, everything was going great yet in the end, i'm left with bits & pieces, things to sweep up into a pile. dive head first into it, dissecting every clue. trying to find a way to prove this isn't just in my head. is it? time vs. hope vs something else... hey, look! here's a piece of something that isn't quite like me. if i was making this up, why would this be here? & let's not forget, this issue of time is closing in around me. suffocating me like my favorite blanket, twisted around my throat. comfort is lost.

no one sees me falling apart on top of my mountain. everyone is too busy looking down to look up. i'm trying to gather some sort of signal so that when i scream, sooner or later, someone may hear me. until then...

doctor emmett brown. where are you?