first off. sunday nights equate to no pizza. during a nice relaxing movie watching moment i developed a craving for pizza. a nice well-done 12 inch pizza with extra pepperoni. i call my place of daytime employment to be unanswered. but it was before 10pm, why aren't they picking up? so i tried again moments later to the same result. a call & a text to a fellow driver reveal a change in hours since the start of the year!? had no clue. a ride to dominos only to be told "we're closed" even though the sign was lit. papa johns, another dominos. no one wanted to make money & give me pizza. it was very annoying & left me pizza-less. yes, it's that important that i needed to blog about it.
these days my mind continues to swirl but not to the same extent. the things that had consumed me over the past few years have settled. there's a lot of debris but the storm has passed. as of late, a trial & error of sorts. where do i stand & what am i looking for? no lasting impressions, no serious interests, to say the least. slightly prior, a slippy slope. falling back towards what i had learned to escape. a welcoming feeling but knee deep in bad timing. a real connection, regardless of how fleeting. the pessimistic side of me says to believe nothing is real & nothing ever lasts. it makes me believe that not a single word can be trusted. it's always a matter of the heat of the moment. so if her words aren't solid, then what about the one the year prior? being told how amazing i am but no one sticks to their word. so if their words aren't believable, what about everyone else? what's the point? are we all so scared of the clock? do we fear that we're all running out of time & whatever works is all that matters. settle for falsehoods. everyone is so happy on the outside. i am not a hollow shell. i want something real. i want something lasting. whether its in a relationship or with music. i am tired of the 'good enough for right now' & whatever bullshit fronts people wrap themselves in. maybe i'm just cynical, maybe i'm just so tired & rambling. i am doing the best i can to remain myself. no surrender. i am making a fist. i am making a dent. whether or not it breaks me...
these days my mind continues to swirl but not to the same extent. the things that had consumed me over the past few years have settled. there's a lot of debris but the storm has passed. as of late, a trial & error of sorts. where do i stand & what am i looking for? no lasting impressions, no serious interests, to say the least. slightly prior, a slippy slope. falling back towards what i had learned to escape. a welcoming feeling but knee deep in bad timing. a real connection, regardless of how fleeting. the pessimistic side of me says to believe nothing is real & nothing ever lasts. it makes me believe that not a single word can be trusted. it's always a matter of the heat of the moment. so if her words aren't solid, then what about the one the year prior? being told how amazing i am but no one sticks to their word. so if their words aren't believable, what about everyone else? what's the point? are we all so scared of the clock? do we fear that we're all running out of time & whatever works is all that matters. settle for falsehoods. everyone is so happy on the outside. i am not a hollow shell. i want something real. i want something lasting. whether its in a relationship or with music. i am tired of the 'good enough for right now' & whatever bullshit fronts people wrap themselves in. maybe i'm just cynical, maybe i'm just so tired & rambling. i am doing the best i can to remain myself. no surrender. i am making a fist. i am making a dent. whether or not it breaks me...
No comments:
Post a Comment