so here i write on the final day of 2008. though some very amazing moments were had, i'm not too upset that this year is coming to an end. i spent too much time with too many dead end girls. some of which i am not sad to see fade beyond memory. i've seen the idea of home transform a few times, some for better which ended up worse, some for better which are okay for the meantime. i met some really incredible people, some who have inspired me, some who i have impressed, some who have changed the way i see the map held between my fingertips. the sounds flowing into my ears have shifted. the way i move my feet, altered. much like an other year, yet so different at the same time. so really here i am looking back at prior i's. kind of hard to accurately sum up. i think back month by month & by now its mainly a blur. maybe the major focal point should be each aspect of my life & the changes made.
music for me had changed over the course of the year. my main focus had been side-lined pretty hard. enough to put it in a coma. ideas came together for new possibilities. but nothing really clear by any means. for a short time i found myself back into the swing of things as mostly just a fill-in for someone else. though at times enjoyable, never really my thing. but it was good to be back. it was nice to experience little differences not present before.
home became more of a concept over time. the first major move of the year changed the idea of home into just where i would end up sleeping every night. never really feeling right & never really allowing me to settle or feel too comfortable. the idea was lost & more changes were made. to a better place in a different sense. still even with my new surroundings & much better situation, this still doesn't really feel like home. maybe something else is lost from the equation. who knows, really.
family has always been important to me but this year really had a noticeable change. in june, i was able to get together & meet one of my only cousins i've never known on my father's side of the family. the circumstances quite insane. she's three years younger & lives not too far away. oh, & our dads are twins. yup. we bonded pretty well & have been fairly close ever since. almost like a brother/sister relation rather than just cousins. a healthy change in my life. probably one of the best things that has happened to me all year.
money & the after effects. at one point i had lost my job which eventually transformed into me having two jobs. the down time was rather miserable but as a result i got a new job. & during that transistion i returned to my previous job. so a major change in my schedule was the result. keeping a relatively same budget as before, i was able to afford many upgrades to my life. all of which were quite welcomed by me. also i became quite overworked but these days, such is life. as written in my previous entry, i recently went on vacation. as a result of the changes involved with my life due to having two jobs, i was actually able to afford to take time off & relax for once. it made everything much more worthwhile.
lastly, love. or in most cases, the lack of. the year & previous ones had led me straight down a long road of apathy. the failed attempts, not always my fault, had begun to highlight the faults in the way many live their lives. many cases, causing me to reflect back on better days & the huge constrast between the nows & then. everyone seems so consumed by the wrong. it's pretty sad. but it's fine. i'm okay with that. cause as the year winds down, i feel the weight of everything dragging me more & more into the sand. however, more so than before, i am ready to cut the ankle weights as i move forward. i've got my head on straight now.
music for me had changed over the course of the year. my main focus had been side-lined pretty hard. enough to put it in a coma. ideas came together for new possibilities. but nothing really clear by any means. for a short time i found myself back into the swing of things as mostly just a fill-in for someone else. though at times enjoyable, never really my thing. but it was good to be back. it was nice to experience little differences not present before.
home became more of a concept over time. the first major move of the year changed the idea of home into just where i would end up sleeping every night. never really feeling right & never really allowing me to settle or feel too comfortable. the idea was lost & more changes were made. to a better place in a different sense. still even with my new surroundings & much better situation, this still doesn't really feel like home. maybe something else is lost from the equation. who knows, really.
family has always been important to me but this year really had a noticeable change. in june, i was able to get together & meet one of my only cousins i've never known on my father's side of the family. the circumstances quite insane. she's three years younger & lives not too far away. oh, & our dads are twins. yup. we bonded pretty well & have been fairly close ever since. almost like a brother/sister relation rather than just cousins. a healthy change in my life. probably one of the best things that has happened to me all year.
money & the after effects. at one point i had lost my job which eventually transformed into me having two jobs. the down time was rather miserable but as a result i got a new job. & during that transistion i returned to my previous job. so a major change in my schedule was the result. keeping a relatively same budget as before, i was able to afford many upgrades to my life. all of which were quite welcomed by me. also i became quite overworked but these days, such is life. as written in my previous entry, i recently went on vacation. as a result of the changes involved with my life due to having two jobs, i was actually able to afford to take time off & relax for once. it made everything much more worthwhile.
lastly, love. or in most cases, the lack of. the year & previous ones had led me straight down a long road of apathy. the failed attempts, not always my fault, had begun to highlight the faults in the way many live their lives. many cases, causing me to reflect back on better days & the huge constrast between the nows & then. everyone seems so consumed by the wrong. it's pretty sad. but it's fine. i'm okay with that. cause as the year winds down, i feel the weight of everything dragging me more & more into the sand. however, more so than before, i am ready to cut the ankle weights as i move forward. i've got my head on straight now.
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