circles.

puzzling thought process of my mind. driving in a circle for hours, metaphors for greater pictures. or something of the sort. i spend my nights between my 4 walls. rehearsing the daydreams & wishful escapes. my heart slows itself with careful steps. where the fuck did i get off track. i often wonder. i find myself still wishing for that big change. the big bang to recreate myself & to feel new again, happy again. always waiting. i get sucked back through a portal. remembering, better times, happier days. i keep wishing for that open window. careful to not have it slam back down on my fingers. it could be my cure, the only way to rid me of these ghosts. well, ghost. meanwhile, the wind whistles & she tugs me backwards. it was so great but yet so complicated. it was so great that i felt like i found what i was looking for. no one else matter in the greater picture of the past two years, expired. these tiny footsteps, around my cage. poking at the memory, laughing silently knowing that i will never have it back. no one seems to understand, she's out of my reach. maybe we really arent on the same wavelength. maybe i'm just insane. i am a lunatic. so what is it about you that keeps me from running? maybe its the fact that no one has ever really cared. only you. maybe i dunno. fuck. i quit. i'm done typing...