dearest blog, sorry for the absence. i haven't really been all there to begin with. lots on the mind with a staggering time-line in formation. there's all kinds of thoughts & reflections dripping out & drowning me. not really sure where to go with my fingertip translations, don't want to ramble about revelations as i'm half awake, or half asleep. like the typical human in my age group, i used to keep my thoughts sealed in the realm of livejournal. so i started to briefly re-read some old posts & stacked those on top of cross-paths with additional ghosts, as well as the currents rushing around my brain. i think i'm past losing my mind. everything seems to contradict the moment. or the moment contradicts the past. makes me wonder what/who is real anymore? am i wasting my time with every/anything? there was this point a couple months ago, where i felt amazing, i felt better than i had in years & it was incredible. prior to that, i swore every flawed situation was going to be the last time. now i finally think i'm calling it quits. i don't even know what to make of right now, well not exactly right now, but the moments surrounding now-ish. not sure anymore. the final kiss, unknowingly final, remains that in many ways. the last kiss was my last kiss. no point in running around reruns, same old bullshit, different faces. no thanks. i'm tired. i'm rambling. i'll write something some other time. my bed remains empty. come over, lets watch a movie.
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