replaceable.

i'm having trouble putting my thoughts together tonight. i'm not really sure what it is. perhaps the fact that i have a million thoughts spinning around my brain in orbit. perhaps the inner fear that things are going to come crashing down around me. i don't feel safe standing upon the ground below me. sleep has become a stranger to me. i feel like i may have cursed myself. i tried to change up my surrounding & i tried to find some sort of cure. but sadly, my dreams prefer haunting me & cheating me out of rest. i toss & turn endlessly. those nightly sonic reminders of an angel have faded. there's really no one left to save me. not even myself. it's puzzling, i don't know where it went wrong. i think writing about this situation is the problem with writing my thoughts tonight. i put my plans of self destruction on hold, i opened up myself completely. i've remained nothing but honest & even cut ties in some cases. i was willing to give myself completely. yet i find myself struggling in discontent. what happened? fuck. i can't think at all.