ponder.

one of the harder challenges of maintaining a constantly updated blog is that my words thrive on the jumbled mess of events, stacking around me, overshadowing my ideas & moves. however, i strive for a drama-free life, cutting out the clutter & bullshit, giving me no more reason to be stressed. those hectic days seemed number, leaving more of an effort to keep, at least, a month tab on where i stand. harder to look back when time flies & i've seemed to miss my mark. days spent working way too much. attempting to rest to weary, achy bones. days off, plotting, preparing. weekends spent wandering & laughing at the drama others swim in so deeply, only to realize, as always, this is what i avoid. calenders, still my enemy, make me realize i've grown more permanent about my feelings. with a mindset of "never move backwards" & plenty of reason not to. i traded my old life for this, this mess of things i can't stand quite often. i ponder mistakes & other paths i should've taken. i accept sleepless, lonely nights with the promise of a greater outcome. i write these instrumental songs cause the feelings are so fleeting that i cannot commit them to paper. these days aren't so different. i've just found a better way to accept it.